Busy, Busy, Busy....

Life has definitely not allowed me to post to my blog over the past two years since the birth of my second child, Nyla. A LOT has happened. I had the baby via c-section on November 29th. While on the operating table, my uterus ruptured after the baby was successfully removed. Uterus was sewn back together and I was fine. At 8 weeks, I went  back to work and when she was 10 weeks we had to hospitalize her because unknown to us she was having sub-clinical seizures. A lot of drama and chaos spiraled due to her hospitalization and now (November 2013) she has cerebral palsy. We take her to physical and occupational therapy twice a week for each and she's in an Early Intervention Program called 2-Step twice a week as well.

The past two years have been a roller coaster for me as I was enjoying my life up until two years ago, but I have adjusted, re-adjusted, and re-adjusted again, changing my life around to take care of my daughter. I'm finally getting back to where I need to be, but still have some goals that still need to be accomplished. Although I'm planning to become an RN, cosmetology isn't going anywhere. I thought I would have to put the pressing comb and curling irons down, but now that I look at it, I will be doing both. I CAN do both, I just have to work the right Nursing schedule.

The idea of hiring a nanny is starting to become an unavoidable reality. It's just something that needs to be done. Even though the hubby doesn't want to, this two-income household needs some additional help.

The Single Woman’s 30-Day Blogging Challenge Day 8: Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

When I was single, the 5 things that were most important to me in a future mate were:

1. Handsome/attractive - I need a little bit of eye candy. You don't have to be 'super fine', but I need to be handsome with some kind of facial hair.

2. Outgoing - I don't like boring men. I had one and obviously we are no longer together. I need someone who is open minded and willing to try new things. Life doesn't have to be an adventure everyday, but at least be willing to be open minded and try something new.

3. Book smart and street smart -  I need a man who is well rounded

4. No jealous men - Been there, done that. Very unattractive. Looking back at my experience, he was either jealous or had serious trust issues. I immediately ended that relationship when he accused me, several times, about not being at work and not seeing my car parked in the employee parking lot. I worked full-time and my car was always right in one of the front 3 parking spaces.

5. No  kids - I tried to date men with children, but there always seemed to be an issue. Either they still had feelings for their childrens' mother or they lied and painted themselves as 'Father of the Year' (more like father of THAT year) by having custody of their kids. Most of my experiences with men with children always ended up with men lying about the number of children they actually  had. Instead of one child, it was more like 3 or 4 with one on the way.


Now that I'm married with two children, the list has slightly changed. My husband is all of the 5 of my previous list but I also like the fact that he has hobbies outside of his job that generate additional income. Some call that a 'side hustle'. Nothing illegal. To me, having a side hustle let me know that he wasn't completely satisfied with only working a 9 to 5. He was willing to go the extra mile to put a few more dollars in his pocket. This hobby also meant that he wasn't going to be up under me all day either. The ball and chain isn't necessary while in a relationship with me.

Single Women's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 7 - Where you are in your life vs. where you thought you would be at this point

At 36 years old, I had no idea I would be married  for at least 4 years now with two little girls and possibly thinking about 1 or 2 more kids in the near future if things (more specifically, my uterus and biological time clock) go as planned. I thought I would still be single, running a few businesses, navigating my life exactly how I wanted it with 1 or 2 well established, self-made (millionaire/thousanaire..lol) boyfriends. I didn't think I would be in the middle of transitioning into a new career field and working on another college degree. The part of married life that I dreaded to have to deal with is now part of my reality: that monotonous cooking and cleaning...ugh. I can do it. I just don't want to. I can happily say that I'm glad that I am married even though I thought it wasn't going to happen until I was in my late 30s or early 40s. I also had no idea I would be responsible for taking care of a child that has quadriplegic cerebral palsy. A very unfortunate circumstance to deal with for both my husband and I, but we are thriving, nonetheless. If anything, having a child with CP has strengthened our bond instead of destroy it. Some people feel like this would be the end of their life, but I only look at it as a chapter on my book. My life will continue to be filled with new experiences and challenges that will push me to become even  more of the woman that I thought I could be. I have no regrets about the decisions I have made for my life and I make no apologies for living the life I wanted to live. Like Oprah said: "You can have it all, just not all at the same time".

I thought I would be cute, petite and attractive in my 30s, and so far I was right about that..lol  I thought my grandfather would have passed away by now, but he is still able to enjoy the company of his two great-granddaughters at the age of 84. I thought I would've bought my own residential property by now, but instead my husband and I are looking forward to purchasing our first home together.

I still have a lot to look forward to and I am very thankful for the family and friends that have shared some of my journeys with. 

Single Women's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 6 - Sound off on the quote “Every woman has the exact love life she wants”

I disagree. I think every woman ALMOST has the exact love life she wants. No one is perfect. You can work towards perfection as long as most of your needs are met. You have to compromise, choose your battles and communicate about things you NEED to talk about in addition to the things you WANT to talk about.

Single Women's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 5- The biggest misconception you think people have about single life

Lots of people assume that every single woman is single because something is wrong with her. Did they ever think that maybe I wanted to wait until I met someone worthy of my time, that was willing to accept some of my standards, before I decided to open up and let my guards down that protected my heart? When you are single, even more so when you don't have any children, you can do exactly what you want when you want to do it and HOW you want to do it. Be single does not mean you're lonely. It was quite shocking to see how men responded to me when it seemed that I was comfortable with being single, going home to an apartment all by myself. I was told by a few men that I was a "player", partly because I didn't invite them into my house. The rules of engagement are different for men than it is for women. We don't invite men into our house when we are not comfortable with them and I already know that most men view an invitation into your home as a invitation into your panties....not!

I hate when people assume that when you are single, you are automatically 'in the streets, getting into frisky situations with men all the time. I said I was single, NOT a hoe. There is a BIG difference. After a while it really didn't matter to me what people thought about my single life. If anything, some seemed to envy it.

Single Women's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 4 - Your Biggest Fear As a Single Person

     Honestly, I don't recall having any fears during my single life. If anything, I feared that once I became a mother I would be subjected to the monotony of domestication -- cooking and cleaning because I had to, not because I want to. But even now as a mother of two daughters and a wife, that's still optional. Maybe I feared motherhood more than marriage. Maybe I feared, once I became married with kids, that 'freedom' would be over and now your life was no longer yours because you would have to divide your time between your husband, your career and your kids. So if that was going to be my reality (about marriage and motherhood), then why rush to have a man and children?

     Married women have always said, the woman is the one that assumes most of the responsibility when it comes to running the household. And we do. Now that I am married with kids, I can testify to that statement. So what sense did it make to rush into a relationship when all it was going to do was add more responsibilities to what you were already responsible for. No thanks. Having a man wasn't a necessity for me, and getting some d**k is very simple to attain. I was single. I know. I actually enjoyed my single life for the most part. Part of my enjoyment was being 'fearless' and not taking all of these men too seriously.

Single Women's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 3 - Describe a moment or a day when being single was really awesome.

A day when being single was really awesome was when I was out on a date. He was dropping me off at home when I noticed that my cell phone kept ringing. I didn't recognize the number, so I didn't answer. Then it occured to me that maybe it could've been a friend calling from a pay phone during an emergency. I answered the phone only to find out it was a guy I stopped dating months before. He seemed a little jealous to hear that I was out on a date and to hear my date in the background. It was so funny. Karma is a BITCH! This guy turned out to be an ass because while we were dating I found out he was cheating on his girlfriend who he left his wife for....DRAMA! He had the nerve to be mad. Oh well!

Single Women's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 2 - Describe a moment or a day when being single really sucked.

From what I remember, being single sucked when:

1. You go to dinner with a group of co-workers and friends and a guy you dated is there with a date of his own.

2. New Years Eve is spent at a concert, standing room only, by yourself because your friend gets into an argument with her cheating boyfriend and she needs to stay home to curse him out on the phone.

3. Men who want to take you out on Valentine's Day aren't men you are attracted to so you decline the invitation.

4. You keep meeting men online who misrepresent themselves in the pictures they post on the internet. Such a waste of time.

5. A one night stand couldn't even be a 30 minute stand because he had erectile disfunction.

6.The guy you thought you had a connection with had a very small penis. Size DOES matter!

7. Men lie about being a father or lie about the number of children they actually have.

8. Men behave as if chivalry is dead.

Single Women's 30-Day Blogging Challenge: Day 1 - “And why are YOU still single?”

When I was single (age 23-30; I'm 36 now), I really didn't care why people thought I was single. I was doing exactly what I wanted to do. I was a full-time hair stylist working 3-5 days a week, 8 to 12 hours per day, managing my own time, minding and running my own business. No kids because I wasn't ready to be a mom, nor at that time did I come across any candidates that wanted to take me off the market. To me, it seemed like the men I came into contact with didn't want to settle down or even wanted to consider giving anyone the "girlfriend" title. So why bother?

I found society to be very sexist. They want young girls to be raised to want to be married and domesticated with more children than they need to raise, while at the same time raising young boys to 'bang' everything insight before settling down. How can two grown adults find a happy medium when they are raised to do the complete opposite? It just didn't make sense. Most of the men my age weren't ready for a committed monogamous relationship, so why look for one? I figured I'd go to work, make my money, travel, enjoy life and if I stumble across someone worth my time, I'd spend time to get to know him.

My last relationship ended when I was 23. I needed a break. It felt like a divorce trying to get rid of his ass. Once that was done, I focused on myself and just dated for the next 7 years. As I reflected on my dating life, I made a great observation. Most of the men I dated were Gemini. I am a Scorpio and found out from reading love horoscopes that there is a high attraction with Geminis and Scorpios. True. The sex would be great, but as far as a relationship, we just couldn't get it together. I also thought that my extensive work week didn't allow a man to date me in the typical Friday or Saturday night type of way. I always worked late on Fridays and Saturdays, so I would miss out on a lot of parties and social events. Most of the men that I dated were either self employed or worked a shift other than a 9 to 5. Guys would always assume that because I was a hair stylist, I was wild or 'messy' who always had a man because my occupation always put me around men or an atmosphere where men would be around some type of way. Totally not the case.

One day a client of mine who believed in astrology told me that a Pisces was my compatible sign. She must've been right because the next Pisces I dated ended up being my husband.

The Single Woman's 30 Day Blogging Challenge

Although I'm no longer single, this 30 day challenge of blogging about single life peaked my interest.  I remember chatting with friends ( when I was single) about writing a book about our experiences while single. I am married with 2 kids now. My (single) journey was fun and interesting. I think I've learned a few lessons about myself and men along the way. Feel free to subscribe and read my posts.